I've been in a bit of a funk the last few days. Nothing major, but just an internal churning that usually signals to me that my spiritual life is not as it should be.
I am always embarrassed to look back over my thoughts and behaviors and see how ridiculously selfish I can become.
On the outside, it manifests itself as me appearing extremely frustrated and stressed out. If only I could recognize immediately what is going on and fall to my knees, beg for His forgiveness and then count every blessing I have.
No. I have to do it the hard way. I have to hurt the ones closest to me, or at least make them uneasy which is not fair to them. Thankfully, gratefully, they seem to still like me and put up with me. Another true blessing.
I see that it is time to pull out some St. Francis de Sales and get back to the business of striving for holiness. I pray that when I reach those personal points from which my root sin stems, that I can look to the cross, embrace it, and carry mine with a much more pleasant affect.
2 comments:
Very heartfelt. I love the way you write this stuff. Thanks for reminding me to reconnect as well. I spent many hours in discussion with Fr. Keller and I now know that I need to spend more time in seeing Christ in adoration.
I hope and pray that all the changes of having a senior off to college soon are not pulling too hard at your heart strings. Have a blessed day!
How true that we forget to count our blessings. Taking those and the people in our lives for granted when we need to keep those thoughts forefront in our minds.
I consider you one of my blessings in life, thank you!
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