Dad lives far away and we don't get to see each other very often, but the love we have for one another keeps our bridge strong.
I pray that his birthday is a wonderful one and ask St. Joseph to keep watch over him.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Happy Birthday, Dad
Dad lives far away and we don't get to see each other very often, but the love we have for one another keeps our bridge strong.
I pray that his birthday is a wonderful one and ask St. Joseph to keep watch over him.
Friday, April 28, 2006
The latest Fishism
Fish: Mommy, I want to be a priest.
Mommy: Why, honey?
Fish: Because I do!!
Mommy: OK, sweetheart. That is wonderful!
Fish: But right now I have to go blow up Matthew's Transformer!
Mommy: OK... go right ahead...sigh
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Discipline
Does anyone out there have any that I could borrow? Seriously. I am discovering through more time with St. Francis, that I am lacking in this area.
I don't know when it happened. I used to be TOO disciplined. Never could stand for things to be out of place, late, dirty, out of synch, ever.
Somehow, now, I find that it takes all I possess to get out of bed by 7:30 and get started on my wonderfully constructed Rule!
I lay in bed and tell myself, "die to yourself, die to yourself." And then that bad little angel on my shoulder says, "go ahead, die to yourself, after a bit more sleep."
Lack of discipline has been the root of most of my difficulties lately and I need to get a handle on this. Obviously, I must ask for the help I need from God, as I, me, myself, and I, can't do ANYTHING without His help.
If anyone has any helpful tips in this area, feel free to post them.
I don't know when it happened. I used to be TOO disciplined. Never could stand for things to be out of place, late, dirty, out of synch, ever.
Somehow, now, I find that it takes all I possess to get out of bed by 7:30 and get started on my wonderfully constructed Rule!
I lay in bed and tell myself, "die to yourself, die to yourself." And then that bad little angel on my shoulder says, "go ahead, die to yourself, after a bit more sleep."
Lack of discipline has been the root of most of my difficulties lately and I need to get a handle on this. Obviously, I must ask for the help I need from God, as I, me, myself, and I, can't do ANYTHING without His help.
If anyone has any helpful tips in this area, feel free to post them.
Happy Birthday, #1 son
My dear Foo, 1st born son, celebrated his 11th birthday today. He insisted on making his own cake, strawberry bundt with white icing!
I don't think a mom could be any prouder of her child. He is one of the most thoughtful, caring, kind people I know. He is an example of integrity that I can only hope to aspire to.
Happy birthday sweet son!
Oh, and thank you Mr. E for visiting tonight! It was so great to have you here, even for just a few minutes!
Monday, April 24, 2006
Accidental Nature Study
This weekend afforded us the opportunity to walk to our local pond where we have done nature study for years. We have not been in quite some time and were so excited to see the duck eggs.
Dad and kids enjoyed the fishing; mom enjoyed watching Hannah, the dog, chase the ducks. She doesn't ever catch them, instead is thrilled to watch them scatter into the pond.
On Sunday, Foo spied a moth who had just hatched from its cocoon.
We are not quite sure what this critter is, but we will be searching Enature for the answer...
How to know when...
your beloved children have watched Star Wars one too many times...
Dueling Duo
Light Sabers fabricated out of "Floam" found in their Easter Baskets.
Mom note here... DON'T EVER BUY FLOAM! It's tactilely offensive, makes one want to gag, hence, the kids love it!
Dueling Duo
Light Sabers fabricated out of "Floam" found in their Easter Baskets.
Mom note here... DON'T EVER BUY FLOAM! It's tactilely offensive, makes one want to gag, hence, the kids love it!
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
6 months already!
I can't believe my sweet little one is already 6 months old! How time is passing. I am trying to enjoy and savor each tiny little moment that I have...
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Easter 2006
Hopefully our 3 ladies are looking down on us and smiling!
Happy Easter from our "family" to yours!
Lent in Review
Karen E had this post the other day, and it gave me something to think about all of this Holy Week. (thanks, Karen!)
Things definitely happened this Lenten season. Layers were peeled away and it was most assuredly painful quite often. But growing usually is. Discovery can also be quite uncomfortable, however, looking at where I am tonight, happy, at peace, and relishing the time that I have with my family and friends, I have to thank God for each and every bit of discomfort that He chose to bless me with.
I definitely did not follow through with ALL of my Lenten practices that I had planned to do, but I did follow through with many of them and learned that sometimes, the sacrifice for me is trying to conquer my eternal quest for control, or rather, relinquish it.
The thing I wanted most of all was for relationships to be reconciled. Most of them have been. There are still a few that I pray will work out in time, in God's time. For now, I will rest in the knowledge that He knows what is best for me, and He will direct me accordingly, as long as I am open to hear His voice.
I have the extra special blessing of having one of my goddaughters with me this week. It was an unexpected, but wonderful surprise and I will always cherish it! I hope little Miss Cutie enjoys her stay here! She and Em are best friends already.
I will post more pictures from our Easter together as soon as I can!
Things definitely happened this Lenten season. Layers were peeled away and it was most assuredly painful quite often. But growing usually is. Discovery can also be quite uncomfortable, however, looking at where I am tonight, happy, at peace, and relishing the time that I have with my family and friends, I have to thank God for each and every bit of discomfort that He chose to bless me with.
I definitely did not follow through with ALL of my Lenten practices that I had planned to do, but I did follow through with many of them and learned that sometimes, the sacrifice for me is trying to conquer my eternal quest for control, or rather, relinquish it.
The thing I wanted most of all was for relationships to be reconciled. Most of them have been. There are still a few that I pray will work out in time, in God's time. For now, I will rest in the knowledge that He knows what is best for me, and He will direct me accordingly, as long as I am open to hear His voice.
I have the extra special blessing of having one of my goddaughters with me this week. It was an unexpected, but wonderful surprise and I will always cherish it! I hope little Miss Cutie enjoys her stay here! She and Em are best friends already.
I will post more pictures from our Easter together as soon as I can!
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Holy Week
Palm Sunday begins the Holiest week of the year. As a looked out of my window today, I saw the oak in my yard which just a few short weeks ago was barren, dark, dreary. Today it is full of life. Beautiful bright green leaves that shine in the sunlight.
I couldn't help but think of our souls as they journey through lent. Dark, barren, all the while, preparing to emerge with new life with Christ on Easter morning.
Take time this week, of all weeks, to read the liturgical scriptures each day. You can find them here.
Spend quiet time with our Lord. He is calling each of us to Him. We have spent our 40 days in the desert and we are approaching the time of great triumph. Christ's triumph over sin, God's unfathomable love for us demonstrated through the sacrifice of His son.
And also consider beginning the novena to the Divine Mercy. It begins on Good Friday and will continue until Divine Mercy Sunday which is the Sunday after Easter.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Only in my house...
Could a priest be shot!
OK... now for the explanation.
Last night, we had the honor of having Father Ernie in our home to celebrate Mass in honor of the lives of my mother, Anna Marie, and Virginia, whom all passed away last year at this time. It was also a chance for my family to be re-enthroned to the Sacred Heart. We were also so blessed to have another family join us in their Enrollment. It was a very beautiful and touching evening.
While we were enjoying the wonderful Chili that my dh made, my mother in-law was kind enough to inform me that the children were in the other room shooting Fr. Ernie with their Nerf guns. Did you hear that? Yes, that was my jaw hitting the floor!
Mortified would not begin to describe the feeling that I had at that moment. Imagine, spending all day cleaning, preparing for Mass. Of course, Joseph was cleaning especially hard because he thought the Pope was coming...
House looks lovely, dinner is wonderful, out come the Nerf laden assassins!! Fr. Ernie, being the good sport that he is, sat on the couch and enjoyed his time as the target.
As he left, I informed him that next time he came he would be offered his own Nerf gun for protection. He laughed all the way to the car!
And who says we're not making memories around here!!
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Rollin' baby
Sunday his first tooth appeared and today, he rolled from back to front, front to back, back to front, front to back.
The best part was the fact that I wasn't here to see it. I left B aka the condiment queen, in charge while little Em and I went to her appointment. I wasn't 5 minutes down the road when she called me.
"MOM!! He's rolling everywhere!! Wait, he's about to do it again!!" I had to remind her that I could not see him from the phone call...
It is such a beautiful thing that my 14 year old is just as excited about Brendan's milestones as we the proud parents are!
Newest Josephism
Today, while trying to push out the love seat to retrieve a certain coveted lost Lego, Joseph realized he was having difficulty moving the couch.
He yelled for me, "Mom, what's wrong with this couch? I can't move it!! I must have lost my super-powers!!"
I don't think he'll ever lose those...
He yelled for me, "Mom, what's wrong with this couch? I can't move it!! I must have lost my super-powers!!"
I don't think he'll ever lose those...
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Chicks with Chucks
The kids did their demo this weekend that they have been working on for a few months. It went very well! The day was beautiful, a bit warmer than we expected, but a great day to be demo'ing in the park!
More pictures to come during the week.
Santo Subito!
I plan to post my tribute to Our Beloved Papa later tonight. We have had quite the hectic weekend.
Please visit Moneybags' blog for a beautiful 4 part series on Pope John Paul II.
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There are so many wonderful tributes to our Beloved Karol that I am not sure I can even begin to write anything nearly as good. But I will post my thoughts because he was such a special person and deserves all that can be said about him.
"Be Not Afraid!" That was the motto I will most remember my beloved Holy Father for. And he lived it until the very end of his life. He was an example of how to live holiness each and every day. He showed us how to pray without ceasing, to make our very lives a prayer.
From the time he was a very young boy, our dear John Paul was called to a life of extreme holiness. Through all of the apparent tragedy in his life, his mother's death, then his brother's, and finally his father's, he was left an orphan. Living through the Nazi occupation of Poland, surviving that which seemed impossible to survive. Determined to become a priest during a time when to be found out could have meant his life. All the while, the hand of God was upon him, calling him to the greatest vocation of all, the Vicar of Christ.
He was never afraid to live as God called him to. He was never alone as he continually called upon our Heavenly Mother to be with him. He was his absolute strongest when he was physically his weakest. He was a force of peace, hope and love that changed the face of humanity for all time.
He emptied himself out to the world the way that Christ emptied himself for all of us. He was an example of true devotion until the very end.
I had hoped to visit Rome while he was still amoung us, but that was not to be. Thankfully, Pope John Paul left us with many wonderful resources to draw on and learn from for the rest of our lives.
The Encyclicals, homilies,Books, and Poems that we can study for years to come which will continue to impact our Church for quite some time.
He was a hero to many people, including me. I pray that he is resting well in the arms of our Lord, but I know that he is probably too busy praying for all of us still here on earth.
He was able to accomplish so much in his 80 years not because he was a super hero, but rather because he had a profound faith, a sincere and complete devotion to our blessed mother, and a true love of Christ.
May we all learn just a small bit from his example.
Friday, March 31, 2006
More on MROL
Barb asked to continue the discussion on MROL, so I'll share a bit about what is going on here. As I mentioned yesterday, I have had the wonderful epiphany that I somehow missed the other times I have read this book, that I need to be carrying out my vocation, that which God has called me to, in service to HIM. Not too make me happy, not to bolster my ego when friends stop by and notice how wonderful my house looks, etc. I do what I am called to do out of Love. Pure and Simple. Well, pure, but not so simple, at least for me. I complicate everything!
Today, I was continuing my reading of Devout Life and relished these passages in the First Part of the Introduction where St. Francis discusses how our sinfulness keeps us from God. Also about how we must purge ourselves of sin and how our devotion to Him will overcome our sinfulness as long as we never, ever quit trying. Here are the awe inspiring passages I read today...
"We must not be disturbed by our imperfections, since for us perfection consists in fighting against them. "
This statement gave me so much peace because I am very guilty of letting my imperfections weigh me down. Hearing that the battle against them is bringing me into a deeper devotion to Him is very reassuring.
"Our victory does not consist in being unconscious of them but in not consenting to them, and not to consent to them is to be displeased with them."
This passage was a revelation to me. I have always struggled with trying to get RID of my sinful nature. This tells me that it will never go away, but my ability to control it will become stronger with practice. Wow!
"Therefore it remains that we should not lose courage." This is one thing that I believe prevents me from stepping out into faith. My lack of courage.
"Fortunately for us, in this war we are always victorious provided we are willing to fight." I am determined to never give up. I will continue the fight for the Love of Him.
Another happening today. I sat with my children at lunch after thinking about our schedule. It seems to be working fairly well, but there are a few gliches in it that are pretty glaring. Instead of my typical "take it all on myself", I felt called to ask for their input. Imagine that. Ask the others who are in this fight with me what their thoughts are... hmmmm
They made their suggestions, then I allowed them to make some decisions between a few of their suggestions and agreed that we would try it that way. They looked at me in complete amazement... Kind of the way I look at them when they pick up their laundry for some unexpected reason!
I need to find a way to explain this whole "rule" idea to them. We have studied about St. Benedict and other rules, but I need to find a way to apply it to them. I have started discussing the idea of doing what we must do because we are called by Him to do so. And that we decide to do it because we love Him. I think they have a better handle on it than I do.
Feel free to post any comments, suggestions, or struggles that you are dealing with. I am so enjoying this journey right now!
Today, I was continuing my reading of Devout Life and relished these passages in the First Part of the Introduction where St. Francis discusses how our sinfulness keeps us from God. Also about how we must purge ourselves of sin and how our devotion to Him will overcome our sinfulness as long as we never, ever quit trying. Here are the awe inspiring passages I read today...
"We must not be disturbed by our imperfections, since for us perfection consists in fighting against them. "
This statement gave me so much peace because I am very guilty of letting my imperfections weigh me down. Hearing that the battle against them is bringing me into a deeper devotion to Him is very reassuring.
"Our victory does not consist in being unconscious of them but in not consenting to them, and not to consent to them is to be displeased with them."
This passage was a revelation to me. I have always struggled with trying to get RID of my sinful nature. This tells me that it will never go away, but my ability to control it will become stronger with practice. Wow!
"Therefore it remains that we should not lose courage." This is one thing that I believe prevents me from stepping out into faith. My lack of courage.
"Fortunately for us, in this war we are always victorious provided we are willing to fight." I am determined to never give up. I will continue the fight for the Love of Him.
Another happening today. I sat with my children at lunch after thinking about our schedule. It seems to be working fairly well, but there are a few gliches in it that are pretty glaring. Instead of my typical "take it all on myself", I felt called to ask for their input. Imagine that. Ask the others who are in this fight with me what their thoughts are... hmmmm
They made their suggestions, then I allowed them to make some decisions between a few of their suggestions and agreed that we would try it that way. They looked at me in complete amazement... Kind of the way I look at them when they pick up their laundry for some unexpected reason!
I need to find a way to explain this whole "rule" idea to them. We have studied about St. Benedict and other rules, but I need to find a way to apply it to them. I have started discussing the idea of doing what we must do because we are called by Him to do so. And that we decide to do it because we love Him. I think they have a better handle on it than I do.
Feel free to post any comments, suggestions, or struggles that you are dealing with. I am so enjoying this journey right now!
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Mid-Lenten Reflection
I am always amazed at how rapidly Lent seems to pass me by. I spend what seems an awful long time trying to figure out exactly how I will prepare my soul for Easter during Lent and then once I do figure out what I should do, I get completely side-tracked, too busy, overwhelmed, etc., and get almost nothing done. Such is life, lent or any other time of the year.
This year is a bit different however. I am still finding the struggles to fit spiritual nurturing into my day, yet, each day, I remain committed to starting fresh and finding that special time to spend with God.
So today, it was in the "powder room" for lack of a better term. And it was good. Really. It was He, I, and St. Francis de Sales. I turned off the merry-go-round for about 10 minutes and allowed myself to drown myself in some wonderfully rich reading. (I joke about the over-head musak that runs through my home. It is the circus theme most often!)
Afterwards, I felt refreshed, centered, and a bit numb from sitting there so long. (As any mom knows, 15 seconds in the restroom could mean disaster on the other side of the door!)
Honestly, I wish I could steal more moments such as these.
I was viewing a biography on my hero, Pope John Paul II this weekend. He was such an amazing man. Even before he was Pope. I felt called to relish his life as we approach the one year anniversary of his death. In this video, former students of his shared how each of them knew that Father Karol required one to one and a half hours alone each day. To pray. I found that amazing. He gave of himself completely the rest of the day, but they all knew that he MUST have that one hour. I believe that this is what I have read about Christ as well. I am not sure if it was an hour that Christ would take, but He took what He needed and then gave completely of Himself to everyone around Him.
Talk about an epiphany for me. For years I have heard, "spend the first few moments of your day with the Lord." Or, "He deserves the first fruits of the day, not the last." I even tried it a few times, and felt the peace that it could bring.
After making the "connection" if you will between the spirituality of JPII and his time with the Lord, and how that possibly might do some good for me, I think it is time to committ to it and stick with it.
As some of you know, I have been attempting to implement my Mother's Rule of Life... again... This time, I have been trying to do so with a different motivation. Before, it seemed as though I was trying to make this schedule work so that I could feel more productive, more organized, more "together"... HA HA
Now, after reading the MROL book for the six or seventh time, I finally made the connection that I must do this for the LOVE OF CHRIST. Yeah, that's right... It's not about me anymore. It's about Him, and it's about time!
I figure, if it is important to Our Savior for me to accomplish that which I have planned for the day, He will see to it that it will get done, as long as I offer it up to Him because of my love for Him. And the ONLY way I can offer it to Him is to ... TA DA... OFFER IT TO HIM... during time with Him.
I know, I know, some of you are thinking, well, duh! You see, I am a bit thick. It takes a few hundred head bangings against the preverbial brick wall for me to get things. And boy, has my head been sore lately!
All of this is to say, that I am learning to put Christ first. I am discovering that time with God is not a nice thing to have happen, if I get the time. It is essential to my very essence as a mother, wife, and Christian woman. Doing things to make myself look good in the eyes of others or even in my own eyes does nothing for Christ. Doing what I don't really want to do because I LOVE HIM is.
Dying to myself. In little bits. It's a long, slow process, but one that I am enjoying. Most of the time.
This year is a bit different however. I am still finding the struggles to fit spiritual nurturing into my day, yet, each day, I remain committed to starting fresh and finding that special time to spend with God.
So today, it was in the "powder room" for lack of a better term. And it was good. Really. It was He, I, and St. Francis de Sales. I turned off the merry-go-round for about 10 minutes and allowed myself to drown myself in some wonderfully rich reading. (I joke about the over-head musak that runs through my home. It is the circus theme most often!)
Afterwards, I felt refreshed, centered, and a bit numb from sitting there so long. (As any mom knows, 15 seconds in the restroom could mean disaster on the other side of the door!)
Honestly, I wish I could steal more moments such as these.
I was viewing a biography on my hero, Pope John Paul II this weekend. He was such an amazing man. Even before he was Pope. I felt called to relish his life as we approach the one year anniversary of his death. In this video, former students of his shared how each of them knew that Father Karol required one to one and a half hours alone each day. To pray. I found that amazing. He gave of himself completely the rest of the day, but they all knew that he MUST have that one hour. I believe that this is what I have read about Christ as well. I am not sure if it was an hour that Christ would take, but He took what He needed and then gave completely of Himself to everyone around Him.
Talk about an epiphany for me. For years I have heard, "spend the first few moments of your day with the Lord." Or, "He deserves the first fruits of the day, not the last." I even tried it a few times, and felt the peace that it could bring.
After making the "connection" if you will between the spirituality of JPII and his time with the Lord, and how that possibly might do some good for me, I think it is time to committ to it and stick with it.
As some of you know, I have been attempting to implement my Mother's Rule of Life... again... This time, I have been trying to do so with a different motivation. Before, it seemed as though I was trying to make this schedule work so that I could feel more productive, more organized, more "together"... HA HA
Now, after reading the MROL book for the six or seventh time, I finally made the connection that I must do this for the LOVE OF CHRIST. Yeah, that's right... It's not about me anymore. It's about Him, and it's about time!
I figure, if it is important to Our Savior for me to accomplish that which I have planned for the day, He will see to it that it will get done, as long as I offer it up to Him because of my love for Him. And the ONLY way I can offer it to Him is to ... TA DA... OFFER IT TO HIM... during time with Him.
I know, I know, some of you are thinking, well, duh! You see, I am a bit thick. It takes a few hundred head bangings against the preverbial brick wall for me to get things. And boy, has my head been sore lately!
All of this is to say, that I am learning to put Christ first. I am discovering that time with God is not a nice thing to have happen, if I get the time. It is essential to my very essence as a mother, wife, and Christian woman. Doing things to make myself look good in the eyes of others or even in my own eyes does nothing for Christ. Doing what I don't really want to do because I LOVE HIM is.
Dying to myself. In little bits. It's a long, slow process, but one that I am enjoying. Most of the time.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Rice changes everything
It's official. We like rice! And rice seems to agree with us pretty well. Except for the new diaper specimens we are receiving. ewwwww
Funny how with the first baby, we couldn't wait to start all the "firsts" with her. Now, baby number 6, we wait to start everything. "Do you really think he needs real food? He's so little still!" Well, yes, he is 5 months old and just about 20 lbs, man can't live on milk alone!
We are entering a new phase. And baby Bo Bear is loving it. Every single bite!
Some thoughts on this past year
Today is the day. One year ago today, Mom left her earthly body and went to the arms of her Savior. I have a beautiful picture I've created in my mind of her leaving her body, the one that had failed her and kept her from so many of her dreams, and gracefully, joyfully, flying into the arms of Our Lord. It was Easter Monday morning, about 4:45. I had wanted to stay that night before, but my pregnancy was getting the best of me and the nurses suggested I go home to rest. I guess that is what she needed. She needed to be left alone to make that final journey. I have often thought about this and how we all meet the Lord by ourselves. No one goes with us. We are on our own. Our own private, intimate moment with Christ himself.
For a long time after she passed, I wondered if she was afraid when she died. I wondered if she woke up, wondered where I was, and then died. It was a horrible feeling. Sometimes I catch myself dwelling on the negative. Then I am reminded that these thoughts are not from God.
Her passing causes me to pause often and reflect on a few things. This is what I have learned this year from my mom.
1. Love even when it hurts. When the love must leave, you will hardly remember the arguments, and you will wonder why you wasted time having them. Love is what Christ asks us to do. Not just when it is easy, not when it's convenient, not when it's pretty. Just love. I must admit that I did love. Even when it hurt. Even when I didn't want to. I did not always do it well, not gracefully, not willingly. But I asked for the strength to love, and it came.
2. Repair the hurts. No matter what you must do. Find a way to repair the hurt. You will feel so much more peace once you do. And there is a point that will come when you won't be able to do so. We never know when.
3. Laugh often. It eases the pain of illness. It cures the old hurt that still lingers even after the forgiveness comes.
4. Touch one another. Look at their hands. Drink in their scent. Study their eyes. Feel their skin. Embrace them fully. Remember that feeling when you do.
5. Take lots of pictures. Don't be afraid to look at them after your loved one has passed. Touch the picture. Feel the feelings. Rejoice in their happiness.
6. Journal. Write to your loved one. Write down anything you would want to tell them. Write to them on their birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day, any day. Tell them your troubles. Ask for their prayers.
7. Don't be afraid to talk about them after they are gone. The kids long to. It is sad at first, but it is getting easier and we are laughing at some of the things we used to do.
8. Ask all the questions you would ever want to know about your loved one. I never asked Mom about her first date, her first love. I really wish I had. I will never know that information now.
Matthew and I bought some Limon chips the other day. We talked about how Nana brought them to our house one day and we all tried them and thought that they were gross! We kept trying to eat them, because she loved them so much! Then she was told to stop eating them. They were bad for her heart condition. We continued to eat them. Now, whenever I get a craving for a chip, I can pull them out and visit with Nana...
Somethings that come up that I never thought about before she died that would remind me of her.
Seeing a new Mary Higgins Clark book. I got angry the first time I saw a new book come out! I felt like I should buy it just because...
Seeing a display of Winterfresh gum. That was Mom's favorite and she chewed it often while in the hospital. Seeing that display almost brought me to tears.
Smelling Estee Lauder. I found myself following a lady around in Walmart the other day because she was wearing it. I couldn't help but want to talk to her, but I refrained. I figured they'd lock me up.
Something else I've done this year is put a picture of her in my wallet. She always wanted to travel, especially to San Antonio, Austin, anywhere to see the sights in Texas. Her illness prevented this from happening. But now she is able to go everywhere with me!
As you can tell, I am still greiving. I suppose I always will. I can't believe that I can't pick up the phone and call her. I know that I will see her again in Heaven some day. Until then, though, I will hold her dear to my heart.
I love you mom.
For a long time after she passed, I wondered if she was afraid when she died. I wondered if she woke up, wondered where I was, and then died. It was a horrible feeling. Sometimes I catch myself dwelling on the negative. Then I am reminded that these thoughts are not from God.
Her passing causes me to pause often and reflect on a few things. This is what I have learned this year from my mom.
1. Love even when it hurts. When the love must leave, you will hardly remember the arguments, and you will wonder why you wasted time having them. Love is what Christ asks us to do. Not just when it is easy, not when it's convenient, not when it's pretty. Just love. I must admit that I did love. Even when it hurt. Even when I didn't want to. I did not always do it well, not gracefully, not willingly. But I asked for the strength to love, and it came.
2. Repair the hurts. No matter what you must do. Find a way to repair the hurt. You will feel so much more peace once you do. And there is a point that will come when you won't be able to do so. We never know when.
3. Laugh often. It eases the pain of illness. It cures the old hurt that still lingers even after the forgiveness comes.
4. Touch one another. Look at their hands. Drink in their scent. Study their eyes. Feel their skin. Embrace them fully. Remember that feeling when you do.
5. Take lots of pictures. Don't be afraid to look at them after your loved one has passed. Touch the picture. Feel the feelings. Rejoice in their happiness.
6. Journal. Write to your loved one. Write down anything you would want to tell them. Write to them on their birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day, any day. Tell them your troubles. Ask for their prayers.
7. Don't be afraid to talk about them after they are gone. The kids long to. It is sad at first, but it is getting easier and we are laughing at some of the things we used to do.
8. Ask all the questions you would ever want to know about your loved one. I never asked Mom about her first date, her first love. I really wish I had. I will never know that information now.
Matthew and I bought some Limon chips the other day. We talked about how Nana brought them to our house one day and we all tried them and thought that they were gross! We kept trying to eat them, because she loved them so much! Then she was told to stop eating them. They were bad for her heart condition. We continued to eat them. Now, whenever I get a craving for a chip, I can pull them out and visit with Nana...
Somethings that come up that I never thought about before she died that would remind me of her.
Seeing a new Mary Higgins Clark book. I got angry the first time I saw a new book come out! I felt like I should buy it just because...
Seeing a display of Winterfresh gum. That was Mom's favorite and she chewed it often while in the hospital. Seeing that display almost brought me to tears.
Smelling Estee Lauder. I found myself following a lady around in Walmart the other day because she was wearing it. I couldn't help but want to talk to her, but I refrained. I figured they'd lock me up.
Something else I've done this year is put a picture of her in my wallet. She always wanted to travel, especially to San Antonio, Austin, anywhere to see the sights in Texas. Her illness prevented this from happening. But now she is able to go everywhere with me!
As you can tell, I am still greiving. I suppose I always will. I can't believe that I can't pick up the phone and call her. I know that I will see her again in Heaven some day. Until then, though, I will hold her dear to my heart.
I love you mom.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
a quick check in with a few Josephisms
Joseph and his daddy worked on some wood projects this weekend. They were able to complete a "hairplane" which Joseph painted all by himself. I will try to get some photos up tomorrow.
I keep trying to figure out why he calls his godparents his 'grandparents'... they really aren't that old!
Joseph is the first one to mention that we have forgotten to say grace. He'll simply sit and look at his food and when we ask why he hasn't eaten yet, he'll announce, "I think someone forgot to say graaaacccce!" We abruptly stop eating and begin to pray, at which point Joseph will dive in to the meal, leaving us to pray...
He is very keen to what is going on around him. He is a wonderful narrator
and right now is totally focused on the Passion of our Lord. Every day we have discussions about the 'men who killed Him'. I am a bit concerned because he loves to talk about killing and dying. I think this is a natural phase, but I don't ever recall Matthew going through it.
Of course, Joseph thinks that if Jesus could have had a light saber, He would have been able to stop the bad guys... always thinking, that boy, always thinking.
I keep trying to figure out why he calls his godparents his 'grandparents'... they really aren't that old!
Joseph is the first one to mention that we have forgotten to say grace. He'll simply sit and look at his food and when we ask why he hasn't eaten yet, he'll announce, "I think someone forgot to say graaaacccce!" We abruptly stop eating and begin to pray, at which point Joseph will dive in to the meal, leaving us to pray...
He is very keen to what is going on around him. He is a wonderful narrator
and right now is totally focused on the Passion of our Lord. Every day we have discussions about the 'men who killed Him'. I am a bit concerned because he loves to talk about killing and dying. I think this is a natural phase, but I don't ever recall Matthew going through it.
Of course, Joseph thinks that if Jesus could have had a light saber, He would have been able to stop the bad guys... always thinking, that boy, always thinking.
Friday, March 24, 2006
A year ago
A year ago, my brother Kevin and I had to make the heart wrenching decision to place my mother into hospice care and essentially into God's hands. We knew that the end was near and that she would not be with us much longer. We also knew that we were carrying out her wishes. It was Good Friday and we were able to witness the priest administering Mom her last rites. You can read more about it in this post that I wrote back in May.
It stills feels like yesterday. It stills hurts. It still makes me wish I could talk to her one more time. I probably won't be posting much as I approach the 1st anniversary of her death, (March 28th). I should be rejoicing for her. She is out of pain. She is with our Lord. But me, being the selfish daughter that I am, I just want my mom.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
More Josephisms
Today while riding back from TKD, I handed Joseph his beloved Lego/Bionicle magazines. It got extremely quiet in the back. While looking at his sweet face in the rear-view mirror, his attention focused completely on the magazines, I asked him what he was doing. He said, "Mama, I'm reading my magazine." I asked, "Is it good?" He replied, "Yes, mama. I just want some quiet so I can read, ok?" I happily complied and watched his sweet face the rest of the way home.
Update for the Godparents and others who love me!
Look! I can grab my toes! I did this on my 5th month birthday!
Yesterday, I took my first few bites of rice cereal and seemed to like it pretty well.
And today I thought it might be fun to have mom turn around and see me doing this!
Of course the first thing mom did after she screamed was to grab to ol' camera, take the shot, and then move me to the floor where I might be in more danger from my brother, Joefish.
Sleeping has been better. I put myself to sleep a few times now, and if mom can be strong and let me cry for a few minutes, I'd probably do it even more often. Moms are so silly sometimes.
I really had a good laugh last night when daddy and Joefish were playing the game Trouble. Each time Joefish popped the popper, I laughed uncontrollably! Then I thought I'd lose my diaper when he said the funniest word I ever heard! He said... SIX!!! Isn't that funny!!
I also turned over from my tummy to my back. I don't know what all the excitement is about. I really just wanted to see the Veggie Tales better, but the tall people just stood over me (and in my way) clapping and smiling like I had brought peace to the world. Geesh... can we get a life people??
I enjoyed my first St. Patrick's day. Mom made me wear green and pointed out the red highlights in my hair as well as my fair skin and blue eyes. She has a complex about all of us kids looking like daddy and not her. We love her anyway.
All in all it's been a good week for me. Stay tuned, who knows what is next!
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Friday, March 17, 2006
Erin Go Bragh!
Happy St. Patrick's Day to all!
For a history of St. Patty's visit here
Our wonderful new bishop has issued a dispensation for those who would like to indulge in a bit o' corned beef today. For those who intend to accept the dispensation, please be sure to abstain from meat tomorrow, as indicated by Bishop DiNardo.
My 1/2 irish children are completely aghast when I mention the other side of their heritage. I guess those Filipino genes are so strong even they have a heard time seeing it!
Here is a portion of an article from the Chronicle...
By BARBARA KARKABI and RICHARD VARA
Copyright 2006 Houston Chronicle
Patrick T. Sharkey, with typical Irish blarney, says he's been saved from damnation this St. Patrick's Day.
And just as importantly, the big St. Patrick's Day brunch of corned beef and cabbage can go on as planned, now that half-Irish Archbishop Daniel N.DiNardo has given area Catholics a special dispensation to eat meat on this Lenten Friday.
"We had counted on the archbishop's good blessings and dispensation," said Sharkey, who added that a lot of folks "would have trouble" eating the corned beef without the dispensation.
"I'm glad I've been saved from eternal damnation," said Sharkey, president of the Irish Society of Houston.
DiNardo is among dozens of bishops around the country granting one-day dispensations from rules that prohibit Roman Catholics from eating meat on Fridays during the penitential season of Lent.
But he's asking Catholics to abstain from meat either today or Saturday in lieu of Friday.
Many bishops offered the same deal the last time St. Patrick's Day fell on a Friday during Lent — in 2000.
The Archdiocese of New York has always extended a dispensation when the calendar lined up because St. Patrick is the patron saint of the archdiocese, spokesman Joseph Zwilling said.
John Flowers of Houston's Kenneally Irish Pub says about 90 percent of his St. Patrick's Day clientele are Catholic, but he doesn't expect to sell any more meat pizzas. A lot of his customers "forget" it is Friday during Lent, he said.
Still, he is grateful the new archbishop is allowing the meat dispensation.
"I think even the Catholics who give up alcohol for Lent should have a dispensation for St. Patrick's Day," said the pub owner, a lifelong Catholic.
Even though she was born in Ireland, Sister Marie Clancy of Mater Christi Convent said she never ate corned beef and cabbage for St. Patrick's Day and doesn't intend to this year despite the dispensation.
"I'll be at work. I'll eat whatever they're serving," said Sister Clancy, who works with a literacy program.
However, she said she just returned from a visit to Ireland, where she "had a great bit of corned beef and cabbage. Not for St. Patrick's — just for a great meal."
I think the kids and I will make some Irish Soda Bread (thanks, Danielle Bean for the recipe!)
Enjoy the day, no matter what your heritage! You are officially Irish today... yes, even you Deo!!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Happy Anniversary, my dear
To my wonderful husband,
For the past 15 years I thank you.
You asked me if you could show me what true love was like
and the Spirit moved me to accept your offer.
Thank you for not only showing me what it is,
but how to accept it, how to return it, and how to share it with others.
You are all of the strength I wish I was.
You are the reason I wrestle with myself constantly, because I long to be the wife you deserve.
I love you more each day that passes. I pray we have many more years to share together.
Thank you for all that you are. I praise God for you.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Just do it
After driving Brianna to her destination this evening, I had the pleasure of spending about 30 minutes in the car alone. Listening to K. Hahn's 10th of 12 CD's on the Mother's Rule of Life. The CD is very good, and I hope to have a complete review up soon, but tonight, something struck me.
I have been working on accepting the fact that my role as a mother is my vocation. Given to me by God. Destined for me by God. I have "known" this for years, and I am sure, on some levels, I had accepted it to a certain degree, but after studying Mother's Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot, and now listening to K. Hahn's talks, I must say, I think I finally get "it".
Doing the things in daily life that I do not want to "for the love of Jesus" makes it so much more bearable. Doing these things because Christ ASKS me to, because He entrusts these precious children to me so that I can serve Him more fully, attending to my wonderful husband, who never asks for anything, all because God calls me to do it! This is the path to holiness? And I am complaining?
It's not like I am serving the starving and dying in India or taking the place of another in a concentration camp. I have not been asked, at least not yet, to martyr myself for God. Just to get up, make my bed, and love my family, my neighbor, and God, and try to be nice while doing so. Hmmmm.... it's only taken me 15 years of marriage to have this epiphany!
I have been talking quite a bit with the kids about these things. Really just trying to make myself believe it, but how we need to do things because God calls us to do them. Explaining that God has placed them at this place in their life because He needs them to do whatever it is that He is asking them to do.
Tonight, Matthew, one of my easiest going children was given the task of taking up the basket of clothes for he and his brother and to put them away. Joseph, being only 4, was sent along to help. Well, we all know what help from a 4 year old can be like. Sometimes, not much help. More like more work! And poor Matthew was feeling that tonight. He sent Joseph downstairs, and I sent him back up. Matthew came to me with tears in his eyes telling me that he was so frustrated that he had to do so much of Joseph's work. That is was easier if he did it all alone without Joseph because, well, because...
I told him that I understood how he felt, but that it was our responsibility to help to train Joseph in how to do these things, even though it takes us longer to accomplish the task now, eventually, he will learn and then it will be Joseph's turn to help with his younger brother, Brendan. I reminded Matthew that his older siblings helped him to learn and now it was his turn.
Riding home, I realized that God has called him too! I plan tomorrow to sit with him and explain to him that God's plan is so perfect that he actually intended for Matthew to be Joseph's older brother and therefore his role model. I plan to tell him how much his helping his brother will help Joseph to grow into a fine young man. I plan to tell him how much help he gives to his father and I by doing what I ask him to. I plan to tell him how proud of him God is, because he is doing exactly what God wants.
Then I plan to tell myself the same thing. For the love of the Lord, I offer my "yes".
And now I know why the Angelus and the Divine Mercy have been so important to me this Lenten season.
I have been working on accepting the fact that my role as a mother is my vocation. Given to me by God. Destined for me by God. I have "known" this for years, and I am sure, on some levels, I had accepted it to a certain degree, but after studying Mother's Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot, and now listening to K. Hahn's talks, I must say, I think I finally get "it".
Doing the things in daily life that I do not want to "for the love of Jesus" makes it so much more bearable. Doing these things because Christ ASKS me to, because He entrusts these precious children to me so that I can serve Him more fully, attending to my wonderful husband, who never asks for anything, all because God calls me to do it! This is the path to holiness? And I am complaining?
It's not like I am serving the starving and dying in India or taking the place of another in a concentration camp. I have not been asked, at least not yet, to martyr myself for God. Just to get up, make my bed, and love my family, my neighbor, and God, and try to be nice while doing so. Hmmmm.... it's only taken me 15 years of marriage to have this epiphany!
I have been talking quite a bit with the kids about these things. Really just trying to make myself believe it, but how we need to do things because God calls us to do them. Explaining that God has placed them at this place in their life because He needs them to do whatever it is that He is asking them to do.
Tonight, Matthew, one of my easiest going children was given the task of taking up the basket of clothes for he and his brother and to put them away. Joseph, being only 4, was sent along to help. Well, we all know what help from a 4 year old can be like. Sometimes, not much help. More like more work! And poor Matthew was feeling that tonight. He sent Joseph downstairs, and I sent him back up. Matthew came to me with tears in his eyes telling me that he was so frustrated that he had to do so much of Joseph's work. That is was easier if he did it all alone without Joseph because, well, because...
I told him that I understood how he felt, but that it was our responsibility to help to train Joseph in how to do these things, even though it takes us longer to accomplish the task now, eventually, he will learn and then it will be Joseph's turn to help with his younger brother, Brendan. I reminded Matthew that his older siblings helped him to learn and now it was his turn.
Riding home, I realized that God has called him too! I plan tomorrow to sit with him and explain to him that God's plan is so perfect that he actually intended for Matthew to be Joseph's older brother and therefore his role model. I plan to tell him how much his helping his brother will help Joseph to grow into a fine young man. I plan to tell him how much help he gives to his father and I by doing what I ask him to. I plan to tell him how proud of him God is, because he is doing exactly what God wants.
Then I plan to tell myself the same thing. For the love of the Lord, I offer my "yes".
And now I know why the Angelus and the Divine Mercy have been so important to me this Lenten season.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Intercessions
I have been fortunate enough to have been given a copy of this month's Magnificat for my lenten daily readings.
Each day, I try to spend some time, before the day gets so busy and my mind wanders to the various tasks at hand, with the Lord. I find it so amazing that His ministry and particularly the gospels, are all still applicable to us in today's world. I should not be surprised as God's plan has been in existence for all time which I am sure included the current time we are living in. But still, I am amazed.
Today's gospel speaks right to my heart. It is talking about Christian love and how we should demonstrate it in our daily lives. I am finding that I am harshest on myself. My confessor tells me that I really need to "give myself a break!" I do admit that I am too hard on myself, but I struggle with how to overcome this. It becomes a vicious cycle for me because I am so terrible at this that I beat myself up for not being able to stop beating myself up. This is a perfect example of when I should be turning to Christ. For only He can save me from myself. Only He can help me to see that I am human, I will fall, and I can accept His forgiveness.
I remember as a teen, going through some rough times, and having a very dear lady ask me one question. She asked, "Do you believe that God forgives you for your sins?" "Of course", I answered. Her next line sent me straight to my knees. She said, "Then you must feel you are greater than God, because you do not forgive yourself. If God can forgive you, then why can't you forgive yourself. Do you have more power than He?"
That was one of the most profound statements I think I had ever heard. I think of it often and I have shared it with others who struggle with this same problem.
During the Lenten season, I hope to finally accept my humanness, my sinfulness, and God's forgiveness. I pray that I can also live the Gospel love that Luke speaks about in today's message.
The intercessory prayer in Magnificat today was very helpful to me
Yours, O Lord, are compassion and forgiveness!
You came to save sinners:
-we have sinned in your sight
You reconcile us to the Father
- we stand in need of reconcilliation
You bring us to everlasting life:
- we call to you from our sinfulness.
God the Father of mercies, you sent your Son to save sinners. Grant us wisdom and courage to know our sinfulness, and humility to beg your forgiveness, through the same Christ our Lord. Amen.
Each day, I try to spend some time, before the day gets so busy and my mind wanders to the various tasks at hand, with the Lord. I find it so amazing that His ministry and particularly the gospels, are all still applicable to us in today's world. I should not be surprised as God's plan has been in existence for all time which I am sure included the current time we are living in. But still, I am amazed.
Today's gospel speaks right to my heart. It is talking about Christian love and how we should demonstrate it in our daily lives. I am finding that I am harshest on myself. My confessor tells me that I really need to "give myself a break!" I do admit that I am too hard on myself, but I struggle with how to overcome this. It becomes a vicious cycle for me because I am so terrible at this that I beat myself up for not being able to stop beating myself up. This is a perfect example of when I should be turning to Christ. For only He can save me from myself. Only He can help me to see that I am human, I will fall, and I can accept His forgiveness.
I remember as a teen, going through some rough times, and having a very dear lady ask me one question. She asked, "Do you believe that God forgives you for your sins?" "Of course", I answered. Her next line sent me straight to my knees. She said, "Then you must feel you are greater than God, because you do not forgive yourself. If God can forgive you, then why can't you forgive yourself. Do you have more power than He?"
That was one of the most profound statements I think I had ever heard. I think of it often and I have shared it with others who struggle with this same problem.
During the Lenten season, I hope to finally accept my humanness, my sinfulness, and God's forgiveness. I pray that I can also live the Gospel love that Luke speaks about in today's message.
The intercessory prayer in Magnificat today was very helpful to me
Yours, O Lord, are compassion and forgiveness!
You came to save sinners:
-we have sinned in your sight
You reconcile us to the Father
- we stand in need of reconcilliation
You bring us to everlasting life:
- we call to you from our sinfulness.
God the Father of mercies, you sent your Son to save sinners. Grant us wisdom and courage to know our sinfulness, and humility to beg your forgiveness, through the same Christ our Lord. Amen.
Echo, echo, echo...
Guess what Brendan discovered last night? He learned that our Church has a wonderful echo effect and what better thing to hear echoed other than his own wonderfully sweet voice? Then he followed that up with his first official "raspberries" directed of course to all of the lovely folks that didn't appreciate his echoing voice!
I guess the days of sleeping through Mass have disappeared, make room for us in the Narthex!
I guess the days of sleeping through Mass have disappeared, make room for us in the Narthex!
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Am I ruining my children?
This week while we were at Kid Potential, Emma's lesson consisted of giving the definition of certain words.
The trainer brought up the word "fast"
Emma's definition... the good Catholic girl that she is... "when you don't eat but pray a lot"
The trainer looked at me, er, should I say, glared at me. Inside I was screamingly proud of Little Em, but on the outside, I just smiled and said, "it's Lent and we're Catholic."
The trainer then proceded to give the "correct" definition of fast.
The trainer brought up the word "fast"
Emma's definition... the good Catholic girl that she is... "when you don't eat but pray a lot"
The trainer looked at me, er, should I say, glared at me. Inside I was screamingly proud of Little Em, but on the outside, I just smiled and said, "it's Lent and we're Catholic."
The trainer then proceded to give the "correct" definition of fast.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
An open letter
An open letter to those who seem to think they need to ask me...
"Is this your last one?!"
First of, thank you for your concern. But honestly, unless I ask for your opinion regarding my family size, or if I come to you asking for a hand-out, to baby-sit, to do anything for me or my family, then your opinion is not that important.
However, since you asked, we are open to life. Brendan is the middle child.
Sorry, just had to vent. I am appalled at how many people feel it necessary to bring to my attention how many children I have and then ask the even more rude question of "is this the last one?"
"Is this your last one?!"
First of, thank you for your concern. But honestly, unless I ask for your opinion regarding my family size, or if I come to you asking for a hand-out, to baby-sit, to do anything for me or my family, then your opinion is not that important.
However, since you asked, we are open to life. Brendan is the middle child.
Sorry, just had to vent. I am appalled at how many people feel it necessary to bring to my attention how many children I have and then ask the even more rude question of "is this the last one?"
Lent with the Trapp Family
I've been reading through the book "Around the Year with the Trapp Family" and came across this lovely morsel from the wisdom of Maria Trapp...
"We all should get together and work toward the
restoration of the meaning of Lent. People now-
adays see in it just a gloomy time full of 'must
nots'. That is a great pity, because Lent is a
solemn season rich in hidden mysteries. We must
also keep in mind that Lent is only part of the
great Easter season, that it is for Easter what
Advent was for Christmas, and that Lent taken by
itself would make no more sense than Advent without
Christmas at its end. Therefore we should let Holy
Mother Church take us by the hand and lead us-not each
soul alone, but the whole family as a group - away
from the noise of the world into a forty-day retreat."
I love the notion that Mrs. Trapp sets forth. A forty-day retreat. This finally explains to me why I look forward to Lent each year and though I rejoice in the Easter celebration, I miss the time of preparation that comes before it.
Yes, we should always be mindful of where we are in our journey, but somehow, the Church, in her infinite wisdom, sees to it that we set aside time twice each year to spend intensive time preparing ourselves for our Lord. Beautiful.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Reflections for the week
I noticed a few things around here, this first week of Lent. Several have decided to sacrifice the tv watching. I know, bad homeschooler, we watch tv!! LOL It has always been one of those "things" that irritate me, but I have really never been able to get dh on board with throwing the thing out the window, so we indulge, sometimes too much.
Anyhoo, Matthew and Emma decided they wanted to give tv up for Lent. I decided that I would help them out and give tv up as well, figuring we'd play games or cards or read while dad was watching the tube.
Well, as it turns out, my wonderful dh, has made it a point to not turn the tv on while the kids are awake because it is too tempting to have a glance at it. Now Brianna and Joseph have not given it up, but they have also not turned it on too often because no one can be in the room with them when it is on!
Some wonderful side effects that I witnessed this week as a result of this sacrifice...
1. The games are out of the game cabinet and not collecting dust.
2. Matthew narrating a wonderful account of Pearl Harbor, SPONTANEOUSLY to his father after completing his history book this week. Then he downloaded a printable book from Enchanted Learning on Japan and completed it, all without my prompting!
3. Legos on every square inch of the floor as the boys have been creating space ships that I think might just fly!
4. Laundry that is folded and put away!
I love Friday nights because it is our family night and we typically get a couple of 5.00 pizzas at Randall's, some Rootbeer, and watch Star Gate and Star Gate Atlantis. We are completely hooked on these shows. But now, during Lent, we will be attending Stations of the Cross, playing games, and spending real time with one another.
Who would have thought that sacrificing would feel so good?
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
a day with Joseph
And what a day it has been. We are working through some real "issues". That being his very strong will and disobedience and my fatigue and discouragement after listening to Mother's Rule of Life by Kimberly Hahn. I am wondering if I am really cut out for this mothering business. Perhaps I missed my calling to the religious life? Is it too late to apply?
After several trips to his room, a firm, but loving talk, and an old fashioned spank to the hindquarters, I told Joseph he would be having to talk with his daddy tonight about his behavior. Upon hearing this he informed me that he would be calling 911. (That used to scare me when the now 18 year old used to say it, now I welcome it... please take me away! I need a break!)
After stifling my giggle, I inquired as to why he would be calling the authorities. He replied "because you are so mean!" After which he promptly picked up the calculator and proceded to dial. No one was there. Pity. I was looking forward to having my meals cooked for me and having to keep only a 8 X 12 foot room clean. I could handle that!
After several trips to his room, a firm, but loving talk, and an old fashioned spank to the hindquarters, I told Joseph he would be having to talk with his daddy tonight about his behavior. Upon hearing this he informed me that he would be calling 911. (That used to scare me when the now 18 year old used to say it, now I welcome it... please take me away! I need a break!)
After stifling my giggle, I inquired as to why he would be calling the authorities. He replied "because you are so mean!" After which he promptly picked up the calculator and proceded to dial. No one was there. Pity. I was looking forward to having my meals cooked for me and having to keep only a 8 X 12 foot room clean. I could handle that!
I love my husband
Really, I do. I just want to have him move into the garage. I mean, it's only fair, right? No, I don't really want him to move into the garage, just sleep there.
Poor thing. He has been coughing for over a week now. I asked him this weekend if he thought he should go to the doctor. What do you think he said? Well, he is man remember and men don't go to the doctor. Nope, they cough all night and keep you awake so that you'll get sick and go to the doctor. uuuggghhh...
The best part of the day is when the kids are finally asleep and we have some time together to do neat things (like the budget) together. Nothing warms my heart more that to see him falling asleep on top of his laptop while I am talking to him. You see, he took some medicine to help him sleep and stop his cough. Well, he slept alright. Straight through the coughing. Baby and I, well we enjoyed watching the sun rise together.
I love you, honey. Really I do. Maybe I'll go sleep in the garage.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Josephisms
Some of the things he has said today...
Mommy, can we scoove the table (combination of scoot and move) so that I can jiggle the balls? (he means juggle, but who is going to correct him?)
In the middle of the day, out of no where he will drop to his knees and cry out... "GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!" I have no idea why, I am afraid to know actually. Is he planning some horrible act against me and begging for help to control himself??
The kid cracks me up. Tonight he was doing some funky dance moves after I scooved the table. I wish I had a video camera... I'd win the AFV contest for sure!
Monday, March 06, 2006
more reflecting
I was able to make it to confession this weekend and it was an eye opening experience for me. As God peels back these layers which I tend to hide under, I discover more about myself that I need to work on.
I truly need a spiritual director, but finding one has been a challenge. Each person I have asked, has had to refuse for one reason or another. I would prefer a priest, and have been told that spiritual direction should be done by a priest, but this is not at all easy to find one that has the time to do this.
Therefore, I use the blessed Mother as my spiritual director, of sorts. Her model. Her ability to love and to say yes, knowing how difficult life might become, but willing to go through it because it is for God.
How willing am I to get up and face the challenges that He has but before me each day? Sometimes, most of the time, I am not very cooperative. In fact, if I was two, I'd probably be guilty of throwing a temper tantrum, internally. Sometimes, it's not so internal...
In our Mother's Rule of Life discussion group, we talked about saying yes to God. As mothers our vocation is to care for our children, our husband, our home, but doing so all the while growing in holiness. "Yes, Lord, I will wash these clothes for you. Yes, Lord, I will clean the floor for you. Yes, Lord, I will be patient with my impatient 4 year old. Yes, Lord, I will get out of bed with little to no sleep, because I love you Lord, and I love the children that you have blessed me with."
After attending confession this weekend, I became acutely aware of how very easy I fall into sin. My thoughts alone wander at an incredible pace directly towards that which is not of God. I need some serious re-training, re-directing of my mind.
Lent is a wonderful season to do this. Daily sacrifices with daily prayer practices help greatly.
Right now, there is a huge chocolate cake with whipped cream frosting calling my name, VERY LOUDLY, in my kitchen. Not that this can even compare to Christ being tempted by Satan in the desert, but I feel the temptation. It is overwhelming. But I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Get behind me Satan... I am going up to bed where I can't hear that cake calling anymore....
I truly need a spiritual director, but finding one has been a challenge. Each person I have asked, has had to refuse for one reason or another. I would prefer a priest, and have been told that spiritual direction should be done by a priest, but this is not at all easy to find one that has the time to do this.
Therefore, I use the blessed Mother as my spiritual director, of sorts. Her model. Her ability to love and to say yes, knowing how difficult life might become, but willing to go through it because it is for God.
How willing am I to get up and face the challenges that He has but before me each day? Sometimes, most of the time, I am not very cooperative. In fact, if I was two, I'd probably be guilty of throwing a temper tantrum, internally. Sometimes, it's not so internal...
In our Mother's Rule of Life discussion group, we talked about saying yes to God. As mothers our vocation is to care for our children, our husband, our home, but doing so all the while growing in holiness. "Yes, Lord, I will wash these clothes for you. Yes, Lord, I will clean the floor for you. Yes, Lord, I will be patient with my impatient 4 year old. Yes, Lord, I will get out of bed with little to no sleep, because I love you Lord, and I love the children that you have blessed me with."
After attending confession this weekend, I became acutely aware of how very easy I fall into sin. My thoughts alone wander at an incredible pace directly towards that which is not of God. I need some serious re-training, re-directing of my mind.
Lent is a wonderful season to do this. Daily sacrifices with daily prayer practices help greatly.
Right now, there is a huge chocolate cake with whipped cream frosting calling my name, VERY LOUDLY, in my kitchen. Not that this can even compare to Christ being tempted by Satan in the desert, but I feel the temptation. It is overwhelming. But I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Get behind me Satan... I am going up to bed where I can't hear that cake calling anymore....
Friday, March 03, 2006
casting off, shots in the legs, and other ramblings
Matthew was finally able to have his cast removed! Unfortunately, his arm is not completely healed therefore, he is bound by blood to keep his splint on at all times (except to shower) for the next two weeks. He is quite bummed as he was truly hoping to be able to perform his Double Bahng Mahng Ee form at the Demo April 1. Since he won't be able to practice it, he can't do the form.
On another note, he still doesn't have his full load of chores around the house!
Baby Brendan went to his 4 month check up and the boy is slowing down on his growth. He is only 17 lbs 3 ounces. I was sure he was 19 or 20 lbs! I guess it only feels like that when you are holding him all day... mental note, let the child's feet touch the ground once in a while.
Poor baby had to endure 3 shots and is feeling quite miserable. He's taking a nap right now, but we have Tylenol going in every 4 hours to keep him comfortable. He is so sweet, even when he is not feeling himself.
I only made it to the Y once this week, thanks to allergy medication keeping me too sleepy to get out of bed. Yesterday, I woke up at 4:45 am (15 mins later than I usually do) got myself together and drove out to the Y. I was looking at the clock on the way there and thinking to myself, "5:02!!! I'm LATE!!" Then I had to laugh at the absurdity of the scene. How is it that 5:02 am is too late to get ANYWHERE??? The only time I should be thinking that it is too late is if it is my BEDTIME! I know I am hard on myself, judging everything I do, feeling like I fail most of the time, but even I have to admit that telling myself "I'm late" at that time of the day is ridiculous, not too mention annoying!!
So it's off to confession in the morning. I've got lots to tell him this week. Hope the line isn't too long... if so, they'll be waiting awhile.
I was reading the scriptures for Mass this Sunday and spent some time with 1 Peter, chapter 3. I love that chapter. It is so encouraging to Christians living in a Hostile World. In fact, that is the name of the chapter! Funny how that works. If you need any encouragement at all to do the right thing, read this chapter. It will reaffirm your very existence as a Christian.
1 Pt 3:15-16 but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts. Always be ready to give and explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope.
One thing I have is hope, thank you, Lord!
The journey thus far
Going to Mass Wednesday was quite the surreal experience. I sat, well stood mostly to keep the baby content, with my beautiful family and felt the solemnity of the day. Father C.Y. reminded us to fast, not just from food, but from all that keeps us from God.
As I received my ashes and was reminded that I will return to dust one day, I could not help but think of my mom. She has been on my mind quite often lately. We are approaching one year since she has passed and I find myself reliving last year over and over again. Thoughts about what I was doing this exact day last year. Did I realize how short my time with her was? Did I honor her enough? Or did I let my selfish nature get in the way? I remember feeling angry that she was in the hospital so much. That I just wanted to relax at home with the kids. That I was so sick from my newly discovered pregnancy and I was too tired to go back downtown. I did spend most every day with her the last few weeks, but what was the spirit of my heart?
Lent reminds us to turn away from sin and return to the Lord. All of the things I am "sacrificing" are actually the things that take the place of Him. Instead of praying through a moment when I become frustrated or angry, I eat chocolate. Not the best for spiritual health nor physical. More importantly, not a very good commentary on my Christian life.
I am reminded by my mother's death that our time here is so short. She is gone and though it feels like she is only a phone call away, I must accept that she is not. Her cremated remains still sit in my closet because I am unable to let her go. She has returned to dust in spite of my will for her. She, as I knew her, no longer exists. I can hold onto her ashes for all eternity, but she will never return to them. She is not there. She is basking in the glory of God. She is sitting at the feet of Jesus, healthy, happy, and healed.
The last few days have been uncomfortable. I hesitate to say painful because during this time of the year, I am reminded that Christ endured the most pain of all. He withstood pain, hunger, thirst, and most of all temptation whilst He stayed in the desert for 40 days. He felt the pain of each of our sins in the garden of Gethsamne, so much so that He sweat blood. He even asked His father to spare Him the horrible pain that He knew He was to endure, but ultimately accepted His fate because of His love for us. He willingly took the crucifixion that you and I are saved by. I can not compare my discomfort with His pain.
I am choosing to embrace my times of strife with gladness. This is called joyful suffering and I am willing to endure it for the sake of our world. For the sake of my sins, for the sake of my Lord, I will walk through the valley.
For by His stripes, I am healed. Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.
As I received my ashes and was reminded that I will return to dust one day, I could not help but think of my mom. She has been on my mind quite often lately. We are approaching one year since she has passed and I find myself reliving last year over and over again. Thoughts about what I was doing this exact day last year. Did I realize how short my time with her was? Did I honor her enough? Or did I let my selfish nature get in the way? I remember feeling angry that she was in the hospital so much. That I just wanted to relax at home with the kids. That I was so sick from my newly discovered pregnancy and I was too tired to go back downtown. I did spend most every day with her the last few weeks, but what was the spirit of my heart?
Lent reminds us to turn away from sin and return to the Lord. All of the things I am "sacrificing" are actually the things that take the place of Him. Instead of praying through a moment when I become frustrated or angry, I eat chocolate. Not the best for spiritual health nor physical. More importantly, not a very good commentary on my Christian life.
I am reminded by my mother's death that our time here is so short. She is gone and though it feels like she is only a phone call away, I must accept that she is not. Her cremated remains still sit in my closet because I am unable to let her go. She has returned to dust in spite of my will for her. She, as I knew her, no longer exists. I can hold onto her ashes for all eternity, but she will never return to them. She is not there. She is basking in the glory of God. She is sitting at the feet of Jesus, healthy, happy, and healed.
The last few days have been uncomfortable. I hesitate to say painful because during this time of the year, I am reminded that Christ endured the most pain of all. He withstood pain, hunger, thirst, and most of all temptation whilst He stayed in the desert for 40 days. He felt the pain of each of our sins in the garden of Gethsamne, so much so that He sweat blood. He even asked His father to spare Him the horrible pain that He knew He was to endure, but ultimately accepted His fate because of His love for us. He willingly took the crucifixion that you and I are saved by. I can not compare my discomfort with His pain.
I am choosing to embrace my times of strife with gladness. This is called joyful suffering and I am willing to endure it for the sake of our world. For the sake of my sins, for the sake of my Lord, I will walk through the valley.
For by His stripes, I am healed. Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Lent Begins
Tomorrow begins the season of Lent.
I always anticipate the beginning of Lent. What will I offer up as my sacrifice? What keeps me away from God? I also try to add in something to help bring me closer to Our Lord.
This year, as usual, I will remove sweets from my diet. This will be more difficult this year as it appears I have become completely addicted to sugar products. I do, however, look forward to turning this addiction over to Christ and letting Him turn my weakness into a strength that can be used for His Will.
I am looking forward to stripping away the things that keep me from my God. Therefore, tv will also be banished from my life. The exception to this will be during Holy Week when B and MC and I will watch the Passion of Christ together. It will be B's first time to see it, and at 14.5, I think she is ready. The other exception will be the Core Secret DVD's I've ordered to try to strengthen my body after this last pregnancy.
My computer time will be drastically cut. Email will be next to nil, but I will use the internet for some of my faith reading and possibly to blog my journey this year.
I am adding some elements to my day to draw closer to Christ. First off, we will be reading the scriptures each day. Secondly, we will be praying the Angelus and the Divine Mercy each day. And we will be doing more study of the saints.
I also plan to attend Stations of the Cross each Friday at our parish, but if we are unable to, I have some homemade stations that we will place in different areas of our home and meditate on them as a family.
Some of the children are too young to truly understand what it means to give something up for 40 days (which must seem like 40 years to them), so I will be suggesting that they make a daily sacrifice, something different each day. Give up gum for a day, give up ice cream another, give up veggie tales, give up the computer game, etc. While they are giving things up, I will be trying to explain to them how Jesus gave everything up for 40 days in the desert before He gave His life up for us on Good Friday.
The most important thing for me to do this Lent is to reconcile all relationships that I can. I am struggling very much with one in particular and can not seem to figure out what I have done to cause this person pain. I did nothing intentional, but that does not matter. This dear person is hurt by something I have said or done, and I am praying that before the end of this 40 days comes, we will have had the chance to resolve whatever it is and move forward in our friendship. I ask for your prayers in this matter, whatever God's will is, that I can accept it and grow from it.
I pray that each of you has a blessed Lenten season. If you are not familiar with Lent or it's practices, I encourage you to try something small. Offer up something to God and He will bless your efforts many times over. You will be amazed at the peace you will feel by Easter morning.
Friday, February 24, 2006
End of week summary
Today, Em went to Kid Potential and had another great session. She is doing so well. It is amazing to see the transformation in her skills. She should be starting the Master the Code materials very soon. It is such a thrill to go from the board/picture books to actual beginner chapter books! She is so excited. Her handwriting has improved as has her attempts to write.
This week I caught her putting something in the trash. I saw her look at me with those sweet brown eyes and then walk away from the trash. I couldn't resist going to see what she had thrown away. It was a little "poem" of sorts. I pulled it from the trash only to be kept in my secret stash of drawings, "mommy, i love you" notes, and the like.
i can by Emma
i can
Do enetheg (anything)
if i put my
hert to it
if i tire (try)
It is so sweet to see her positive outlook on life. It also is a wonderful opportunity to get a glimpse into how she hears words and then spells them phonetically. The hearing of the words is coming along. The odd "sound" of the words is most probably caused by fluid on the ear when she was in the language development stage. At the time we unknowingly had mold in our home and she was sick quite often.
The trainers at Kid Potential are very encouraged by her rapid progress, as are we here at home.
One thing this wonderful child of God has learned... perseverance!
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Sometimes you just have to laugh
Thanks to Danielle Bean for posting this on her blog. I needed the laugh!
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
A new day dawns
As I woke to feed the baby at 4:30 this morning, I thanked God for the gentle reminder to get up and get moving.
I returned to the Y for the first time since last March. Almost a year now. That is probably the last time I spent any real time in quiet prayer as well.
I usually work out for about an hour then return home to some dark, quiet time spent with the Lord. Boy, do I miss that.
Fast forward to today. I went for the work out, headed back home for a quick shower, then spent some time snuggling the baby, nursing him back to sleep. Then I retreated downstairs to break open the Word and found this responsorial psalm today...
"Throw your cares on the Lord and He will support you."
I just love how God gives me just what I need when I need it.
My main focus right now is to keep Christ in each moment of each day as much as possible. I want to feel Him when I am praying, but I also want to feel Him when I am doing the laundry, directing the children, cleaning bathrooms, etc. If motherhood and married life is truly my vocation, then I need to make each moment a prayer to Him. I need to offer my best to Him. Always.
I will throw my cares onto the Lord and I will allow Him to provide for my needs.
I returned to the Y for the first time since last March. Almost a year now. That is probably the last time I spent any real time in quiet prayer as well.
I usually work out for about an hour then return home to some dark, quiet time spent with the Lord. Boy, do I miss that.
Fast forward to today. I went for the work out, headed back home for a quick shower, then spent some time snuggling the baby, nursing him back to sleep. Then I retreated downstairs to break open the Word and found this responsorial psalm today...
"Throw your cares on the Lord and He will support you."
I just love how God gives me just what I need when I need it.
My main focus right now is to keep Christ in each moment of each day as much as possible. I want to feel Him when I am praying, but I also want to feel Him when I am doing the laundry, directing the children, cleaning bathrooms, etc. If motherhood and married life is truly my vocation, then I need to make each moment a prayer to Him. I need to offer my best to Him. Always.
I will throw my cares onto the Lord and I will allow Him to provide for my needs.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
time for reflecting
I have been taking the last few days to really reflect on where I am at in many areas of life. I am finding that my spiritual compass is sadly spinning out of control and pointing no where fast!
Isn't it amazing how that happens? Neglect your prayer life, neglect reading the Gospels, neglect talking with God, instead of about Him, and you wind up where I am... not a fun place, let me assure you.
I know what I need to do. Now for the "just do it" kick in the pants.
I am finding that trying to be present with Him in the small tasks of the day is quite difficult. But it must be done.
I thank God for the opportunity to be present with Him at adoration which will start very soon. I am sure that this will give me the much needed quiet time I need to make my connection with Him again. Just in time for my favorite season of the Church year... Lent.
Isn't it amazing how that happens? Neglect your prayer life, neglect reading the Gospels, neglect talking with God, instead of about Him, and you wind up where I am... not a fun place, let me assure you.
I know what I need to do. Now for the "just do it" kick in the pants.
I am finding that trying to be present with Him in the small tasks of the day is quite difficult. But it must be done.
I thank God for the opportunity to be present with Him at adoration which will start very soon. I am sure that this will give me the much needed quiet time I need to make my connection with Him again. Just in time for my favorite season of the Church year... Lent.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Memories
It is becoming more and more real to me that each day that I spend with my children, I am creating memories. I have heard this "notion" for years now, but not until recently did this thought truly click for me.
I am now wondering WHAT kind of memories am I making? WHAT kind do I want to make, and HOW can I be sure that I leave the children with happy, loving memories of their childhood.
The reason this became so apparent to me is simple. My son. Matthew. Brilliant at the age of 10. Actually, he's been brilliant for years...
I was talking with a new neighbor about homeschooling. She is very curious about it and interested in trying it for her family. I attempted to share with her what a typical day is like in our home. I thought I was being very honest and upfront about what a day is REALLY like. Baby crying, phone ringing, teens with "emergencies" (got to get to the mall to get the newest mascara for an outing next weekend... RIGHT NOW!!!)
I shared with her that I rarely get everything done on my "list" and my "list" rarely even gets made anymore, only because I haven't the time to scratch one out. I shared with her that I school when I can, that life goes on within the home and that one should not try to bring school home, but always remember that our "school" is a HOME first. I told her I loved homeschooling and prayed that I would never have to send my kids to school.
That's when Matthew pops into the conversation with this... "you don't seem like you like it"...
Need I say more?
So, here I sit. Wondering why I am so frustrated with myself for the last few months, when all I really needed to do was sit with my son and ask him. Like I said, he is brilliant.
I will be spending some time this weekend deciding exactly how I am going to re-prioritize my life, my daily life, so that my son and his siblings know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, I WANT to be with them. I WANT to homeschool them. I WANT to make GREAT memories for them as well as for myself.
I will most probably need to cut things out of my life. I will definately need to lower my standards around the house. As I get back into the joy of homeschooling, these things can be added back in if needed.
Timing is everything. God's timing is perfect. I am just finishing up Mother's Rule of Life for the second time. I guess it's about time to start implementing it.
1. Prayer
2. Person
3. Partner
4. Parent
5. Provider
Starting with #1...
I am now wondering WHAT kind of memories am I making? WHAT kind do I want to make, and HOW can I be sure that I leave the children with happy, loving memories of their childhood.
The reason this became so apparent to me is simple. My son. Matthew. Brilliant at the age of 10. Actually, he's been brilliant for years...
I was talking with a new neighbor about homeschooling. She is very curious about it and interested in trying it for her family. I attempted to share with her what a typical day is like in our home. I thought I was being very honest and upfront about what a day is REALLY like. Baby crying, phone ringing, teens with "emergencies" (got to get to the mall to get the newest mascara for an outing next weekend... RIGHT NOW!!!)
I shared with her that I rarely get everything done on my "list" and my "list" rarely even gets made anymore, only because I haven't the time to scratch one out. I shared with her that I school when I can, that life goes on within the home and that one should not try to bring school home, but always remember that our "school" is a HOME first. I told her I loved homeschooling and prayed that I would never have to send my kids to school.
That's when Matthew pops into the conversation with this... "you don't seem like you like it"...
Need I say more?
So, here I sit. Wondering why I am so frustrated with myself for the last few months, when all I really needed to do was sit with my son and ask him. Like I said, he is brilliant.
I will be spending some time this weekend deciding exactly how I am going to re-prioritize my life, my daily life, so that my son and his siblings know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, I WANT to be with them. I WANT to homeschool them. I WANT to make GREAT memories for them as well as for myself.
I will most probably need to cut things out of my life. I will definately need to lower my standards around the house. As I get back into the joy of homeschooling, these things can be added back in if needed.
Timing is everything. God's timing is perfect. I am just finishing up Mother's Rule of Life for the second time. I guess it's about time to start implementing it.
1. Prayer
2. Person
3. Partner
4. Parent
5. Provider
Starting with #1...
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Happy 8th Birthday Sweet Em!
When the angels came,
They left sweet Emma behind,
To love and learn from.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Thursday, February 02, 2006
The sympathy he'll get...
All went well at the doctor's office, although Matthew was a bit disappointed that he didn't get to pick a color for his cast. All they had was white.
I relayed my broken arm story to him and shared with him how fun the old plaster casts were! Not to mention that I had mine up to my shoulder, during the summer, while I was a swimming instructor to 4 and 5 year olds who did not like the water much... oh the memories...
He spent the rest of the day collecting signatures on his cast. One from the barber, obviously visited AFTER this picture was taken, one from Mr. M at TKD, and lots from his friends and family. He was able to teach two classes tonight, though he did not feel up to staying for his own training. Hopefully he sleeps better with a more sturdy cast on.
Casting Call
We are off this morning to have the doctor don Matthew a cast. We'll post pictures when we can.
The swelling is down, but the pain is pretty severe at times during the day. Hopefully, the more permanent cast will relieve this problem.
The swelling is down, but the pain is pretty severe at times during the day. Hopefully, the more permanent cast will relieve this problem.
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