Mom passed away two years ago. I've heard "time heals", "it will get easier", and I suppose in some small way these things are true, but truthfully, I think what really happens is that when we lose loved ones, after some time, we learn to not burden others with our sadness.
You see, it still seems like yesterday that she was here. It feels so odd that I can look at her pictures, see her possessions, and yet, believe that she is no longer here.
I do understand that she is with God. I have a deep faith and I know that He has His arms around her and she is completely free of disease and pain. For this I am so grateful.
But my humaness is evident because I still want her here. I still long to talk to her. To look at her hands, smell her perfume, hear her laugh, even hear her complain.
I am not sure what we on earth should do on a day like today. Do we let the day pass and simply offer prayers? Do we acknowledge the pain that we feel just for the day?
Or do we simply let the day pass through our hands and not say anything? I don't want to burden the children with more sadness. Should I make them aware of what "today" is? Or do I sit back and relish their joyfulness and seek traces of her within them?
These things I know for sure. I miss her. Just as much today as the first day without her. I used to look forward to Easter, yet now the site of Easter bunnies brings a streak of sadness.
I love you, Mom. Still