Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Two Years ago 3/28/2005

Mom passed away two years ago. I've heard "time heals", "it will get easier", and I suppose in some small way these things are true, but truthfully, I think what really happens is that when we lose loved ones, after some time, we learn to not burden others with our sadness.

You see, it still seems like yesterday that she was here. It feels so odd that I can look at her pictures, see her possessions, and yet, believe that she is no longer here.

I do understand that she is with God. I have a deep faith and I know that He has His arms around her and she is completely free of disease and pain. For this I am so grateful.

But my humaness is evident because I still want her here. I still long to talk to her. To look at her hands, smell her perfume, hear her laugh, even hear her complain.

I am not sure what we on earth should do on a day like today. Do we let the day pass and simply offer prayers? Do we acknowledge the pain that we feel just for the day?

Or do we simply let the day pass through our hands and not say anything? I don't want to burden the children with more sadness. Should I make them aware of what "today" is? Or do I sit back and relish their joyfulness and seek traces of her within them?

These things I know for sure. I miss her. Just as much today as the first day without her. I used to look forward to Easter, yet now the site of Easter bunnies brings a streak of sadness.

I love you, Mom. Still

5 comments:

Sherri said...

I lost my Mom to cancer 23 years ago..when I was 14 years old. Wow! It feels strange to even type 23 years..seems like too many. Every year that I am without her makes me want her back more. No one can imagine the intense need to be mothered unless they have no mother to love them. I know that she is in Heaven and still loves me, but she can't physically be here to mother me....for me to love her...for us to have a Mother/Daughter relationship. No other relationship can replace it, no matter how hard I try.
I know it's hard...my heart hurts for you because I know! Let yourself grieve and miss her all you want to. She gave something to your life that no one else could...a Mother's love is uncomparable...you have a right to grieve the loss of her presence for as long as you need to.
"Bug Hugs" from someone who understand!!

Barbara said...

Sorry I didn't even read your post until Wedneday, so I prayed a day late for you.

It was 2 years ago on the 21st of March that my dad passed away (actually, anniversaries of parents passed on is FIL on 3/18, MIL on 3/19 and then my dad on 3/21...all right in a row).

I admit that I definitely remind my kids about the dates so at least they understand if I'm not quite myself.

Barb, sfo said...

Yes, it does hurt.
Maybe you will want to remember your mom in a special way with your children today. Take out the photo album. Enjoy the pictures of happy times. Let everyone say something about what made her special and lovable. And have a little celebration of her "birthday into Heaven."
I think ignoring the day would be much harder.
With prayers that God will give you comfort in your mourning.

mira said...

sending a hug

Alice said...

Praying for you and for your beautiful mother. Losing a parent is so hard.