Thursday, August 10, 2006

Am I doing enough?

I have spent the past several weeks, months really, refreshing my mind, reading, praying, and at times agonizing over the curriculum choices I needed to be making for the children this school year.

With my husband's help and the input of a few people that I really trust, I was able to finally formulate and execute what I thought to be a wonderful plan for this school year.

Then last night, I felt Him speak to me. I was reading the gospel for today, John 12 24:26, and I couldn't help but wonder to myself, am I doing enough?

Have I become the seed that is willing to die so that I can bear fruit for Him?

Bean has been struggling with a few things of late, not to be unexpected at the age of 15. She is truly an inspiration to me. I only wish I had had half of the insight, faith, and intellect that she has when I was her age. Shoot, I wish I had it now!

But I have to truly ask myself, am I doing enough to encourage her to live for Christ? Am I helping her to replace vices with virtues? Am I relying too much on the knowledge that she is a good kid and is close to her family?

Am I raising her to yearn for Heaven? Am I doing enough? I am not so sure.

The truest way that I can possibly show her any of this, or any of my children for that matter, is to live it. Every day. Constantly. Without fail. I am failing.

I feel as though my spiritual life comes in waves. At times it is at the low tide. Not much going on, not feeling much, not doing much about it. That's where I've been for awhile. Probably since mom passed away. But I feel the undertow. I feel that high tide coming. Am I ready for the next wave?

6 comments:

Tigpan said...

K, I was there a few months ago and wrote a blog called "Where is my Focus" check out my Feb. archives. Praying with you! Just keep the upward focus and the horizontal focus becomes clear.
Love you

Moneybags said...

I ask myself if I am doing enough for Christ through my blog and work a lot. And just recently I go the answer - no. No one can ever do enough. No one can ever live up to their true potential because of sin. But we do can our best. As Mother Teresa said, "God doesn't ask us to be successful, just faithful"

Lillian said...

You are such a wonderful mom!! The fact that she is a good girl and so close to her family already speaks to the many sacrifices you've made!! You're a wonderful witness to the vocation of motherhood!!!

Bean said...

mom, maybe if you keep hanging around me some of my coolness will rub off on you. =)

Jennifer said...

I often feel that way about my children. I honestly think parents will never think they do enough, that they can always do more. Which maybe true but reality is that I am doing alot for my children.

And you'll survive the next wave...God only gives what you can handle.

Blair said...

I feel that way a lot too, and my kids are only so little. But I agree with the other poster that no, we can't ever do enough. But when we realize that we can't do enough, really that we can't do anything worthwile on our own, that is when we allow Christ to take over and be in control of our lives and the formation of our children. I think it's going to take me a long time to realize that I just need to stop grabbing that steering wheel back, though, and let God be in the driver's seat!