I have spent the past several weeks, months really, refreshing my mind, reading, praying, and at times agonizing over the curriculum choices I needed to be making for the children this school year.
With my husband's help and the input of a few people that I really trust, I was able to finally formulate and execute what I thought to be a wonderful plan for this school year.
Then last night, I felt Him speak to me. I was reading the gospel for today, John 12 24:26, and I couldn't help but wonder to myself, am I doing enough?
Have I become the seed that is willing to die so that I can bear fruit for Him?
Bean has been struggling with a few things of late, not to be unexpected at the age of 15. She is truly an inspiration to me. I only wish I had had half of the insight, faith, and intellect that she has when I was her age. Shoot, I wish I had it now!
But I have to truly ask myself, am I doing enough to encourage her to live for Christ? Am I helping her to replace vices with virtues? Am I relying too much on the knowledge that she is a good kid and is close to her family?
Am I raising her to yearn for Heaven? Am I doing enough? I am not so sure.
The truest way that I can possibly show her any of this, or any of my children for that matter, is to live it. Every day. Constantly. Without fail. I am failing.
I feel as though my spiritual life comes in waves. At times it is at the low tide. Not much going on, not feeling much, not doing much about it. That's where I've been for awhile. Probably since mom passed away. But I feel the undertow. I feel that high tide coming. Am I ready for the next wave?