I was able to make it to confession this weekend and it was an eye opening experience for me. As God peels back these layers which I tend to hide under, I discover more about myself that I need to work on.
I truly need a spiritual director, but finding one has been a challenge. Each person I have asked, has had to refuse for one reason or another. I would prefer a priest, and have been told that spiritual direction should be done by a priest, but this is not at all easy to find one that has the time to do this.
Therefore, I use the blessed Mother as my spiritual director, of sorts. Her model. Her ability to love and to say yes, knowing how difficult life might become, but willing to go through it because it is for God.
How willing am I to get up and face the challenges that He has but before me each day? Sometimes, most of the time, I am not very cooperative. In fact, if I was two, I'd probably be guilty of throwing a temper tantrum, internally. Sometimes, it's not so internal...
In our Mother's Rule of Life discussion group, we talked about saying yes to God. As mothers our vocation is to care for our children, our husband, our home, but doing so all the while growing in holiness. "Yes, Lord, I will wash these clothes for you. Yes, Lord, I will clean the floor for you. Yes, Lord, I will be patient with my impatient 4 year old. Yes, Lord, I will get out of bed with little to no sleep, because I love you Lord, and I love the children that you have blessed me with."
After attending confession this weekend, I became acutely aware of how very easy I fall into sin. My thoughts alone wander at an incredible pace directly towards that which is not of God. I need some serious re-training, re-directing of my mind.
Lent is a wonderful season to do this. Daily sacrifices with daily prayer practices help greatly.
Right now, there is a huge chocolate cake with whipped cream frosting calling my name, VERY LOUDLY, in my kitchen. Not that this can even compare to Christ being tempted by Satan in the desert, but I feel the temptation. It is overwhelming. But I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Get behind me Satan... I am going up to bed where I can't hear that cake calling anymore....