Thursday, March 30, 2006

Mid-Lenten Reflection

I am always amazed at how rapidly Lent seems to pass me by. I spend what seems an awful long time trying to figure out exactly how I will prepare my soul for Easter during Lent and then once I do figure out what I should do, I get completely side-tracked, too busy, overwhelmed, etc., and get almost nothing done. Such is life, lent or any other time of the year.

This year is a bit different however. I am still finding the struggles to fit spiritual nurturing into my day, yet, each day, I remain committed to starting fresh and finding that special time to spend with God.

So today, it was in the "powder room" for lack of a better term. And it was good. Really. It was He, I, and St. Francis de Sales. I turned off the merry-go-round for about 10 minutes and allowed myself to drown myself in some wonderfully rich reading. (I joke about the over-head musak that runs through my home. It is the circus theme most often!)

Afterwards, I felt refreshed, centered, and a bit numb from sitting there so long. (As any mom knows, 15 seconds in the restroom could mean disaster on the other side of the door!)

Honestly, I wish I could steal more moments such as these.

I was viewing a biography on my hero, Pope John Paul II this weekend. He was such an amazing man. Even before he was Pope. I felt called to relish his life as we approach the one year anniversary of his death. In this video, former students of his shared how each of them knew that Father Karol required one to one and a half hours alone each day. To pray. I found that amazing. He gave of himself completely the rest of the day, but they all knew that he MUST have that one hour. I believe that this is what I have read about Christ as well. I am not sure if it was an hour that Christ would take, but He took what He needed and then gave completely of Himself to everyone around Him.

Talk about an epiphany for me. For years I have heard, "spend the first few moments of your day with the Lord." Or, "He deserves the first fruits of the day, not the last." I even tried it a few times, and felt the peace that it could bring.

After making the "connection" if you will between the spirituality of JPII and his time with the Lord, and how that possibly might do some good for me, I think it is time to committ to it and stick with it.

As some of you know, I have been attempting to implement my Mother's Rule of Life... again... This time, I have been trying to do so with a different motivation. Before, it seemed as though I was trying to make this schedule work so that I could feel more productive, more organized, more "together"... HA HA

Now, after reading the MROL book for the six or seventh time, I finally made the connection that I must do this for the LOVE OF CHRIST. Yeah, that's right... It's not about me anymore. It's about Him, and it's about time!

I figure, if it is important to Our Savior for me to accomplish that which I have planned for the day, He will see to it that it will get done, as long as I offer it up to Him because of my love for Him. And the ONLY way I can offer it to Him is to ... TA DA... OFFER IT TO HIM... during time with Him.

I know, I know, some of you are thinking, well, duh! You see, I am a bit thick. It takes a few hundred head bangings against the preverbial brick wall for me to get things. And boy, has my head been sore lately!

All of this is to say, that I am learning to put Christ first. I am discovering that time with God is not a nice thing to have happen, if I get the time. It is essential to my very essence as a mother, wife, and Christian woman. Doing things to make myself look good in the eyes of others or even in my own eyes does nothing for Christ. Doing what I don't really want to do because I LOVE HIM is.

Dying to myself. In little bits. It's a long, slow process, but one that I am enjoying. Most of the time.


Essy said...

Hi K, I'm doing MORL also and my big 'tada' was similar to yours...that this wasn't about ME but about serving Him through others. So...skip ahead to P3...I was blown away that this wasn't about developing a happy secure marriage so that I could feel all warm and mushy inside (LOL) that the point of it actually is to 'serve' my husband...OUCH! To be there for 'him' be his companion and his help in getting to heaven. That my focus had been all wrong is an understatement. I think I get less frustrated now because my expectations have changed. Oh well...I better stop now, because I could write a book about this stuff. Great topic!

Moneybags said...

I also plan very long for Lent and am amazed at how fast it goes by. I think this year has been my best yet, but I know that I can always do more penance. I can always live holier.

With this Sunday being the one-year anniversary of his death, I miss John Paul ll. I hope you have been following my series on John Paul ll at my blog. I hope to post the final Part IV tomorrow. Last year I taped his funeral, and I want to watch it tonight or tomorrow again.

Barb, sfo said...

Keep this topic going! I keep flunking out of MROL and today I've had this thought at the back of my head (flunked out of Flylady too, and this is where it came from): I need to bless my family. Basically it all boils down to: whom do I serve when I do x, y, or z? My God, my family, or ME?

K said...

I am quite the Fly Lady Flunkie too! I have adopted some of her principles into my rule, however, I do it all barefoot, unless the floor is disgusting, then I wear shoes so I don't feel like I am at the beach!