Tuesday, December 20, 2005

I survived one, five more to go!


Well, I can't believe it, but I have survived the raising of one child. My sweet Alicia turns 18 today. I realize that I will always be her mom, and that I will never truly let go of the "raising" of her, but officially, legally, my role as her guardian ceases today. Is this a relief or a time of great sadness? For me, it is both.

I will never forget holding her the moment that she was born. Still purple, screaming, and drawing in her first few breaths of life. It was a cold, snowy, Hartford CT. morning. It had been a long hard labor, and I was exhausted. Mom was there waiting to see me. She was worrying about her "baby". I suppose one day, I'll do the same for Alicia.

I recall holding this precious bundle sent from Heaven above on my chest. She was swaddled ever so tightly and as she breathed in, so did I. We were in synch. It was probably the last time, (LOL) but nevertheless, we were.

These eighteen years have flown by. Some moments seemed as though they would never end, but all in all, as the saying goes, I don't know where the time has gone. I pray for her well being each and every day. I pray that she learns from each experience that she encounters. I pray I don't meddle too much or back away too far. It is such a fine balance, an art really, this parenting an adult child thing. I really don't like it much yet. I imagine it will get easier with time.

I remember thinking about becoming a parent one day. How I would teach the child many things about the world. How I would love her/him. How I would raise them to be a great and wonderful addition to society. But a funny thing happened along the way. Becoming a parent caused me to change the most. I had never considered how the core of my existence would change. I knew things would be different. No more late nights out with friends. Changing our daily routines to accomodate for naps, illnesses, school schedules, work schedules, etc. But again, I never realized how I would change.

Almost everything I thought I knew, I found out, I didn't. God is funny that way. He must look down on us, especially me, and chuckle to Himself. "Karen, when are you going to get it?? You are NOT in control!! LOL" Well, Lord, I think I am beginning to understand that now.

I believe that God has sent these 6 beautiful children to me with a purpose. These wonderful creatures have been hand selected by Him with my sanctification in mind. Each child has caused me to look deep into myself and has challenged my very being. I have become stronger, more faith-filled, and more committed to preserving LIFE as a result of raising God's gifts to me. Thank you Lord for all that you have presented me with. I take the responsibility of raising these precious souls very seriously and pray that I can return them to You as beautiful gifts for Heaven.

To Alicia, Happy Birthday, Honey. You are my world. You are the one who made me a mom. You are the reason I continue to have faith. You will set the world on fire one day and I will be so proud. I AM so proud. I Love You!

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